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Really, Topps? Really?

Posted by houstoncollector on March 2, 2009

American woman, said get away
American woman, listen what I say
Don’t come hangin’ around my door
Don’t wanna see your face no more
I don’t need your war machines
I don’t need your ghetto scenes
Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else’s eyes
Now woman, get away from me
American woman, mama let me be.
– Guess Who

Sports Card Commandment #0
Thou Shalt Not Fuck With Your Base Set, For It Shall Piss Off Thine Customers

It’s official: It’s now a running joke. We know now that no matter what Topps puts out, it’s going to have some sort of secretive, bullshit parallel, insert, super-rare short print, or some other crap gimmick which does very little but make Topps look like more of a joke than they already are. Let’s take a look, shall we?

2006: Topps Series One Alex Gordon (Here); Series Two Alay Sojer (Here)
2007: Topps Series One Derek Jeter (w/ Bush and Mantle) (Here); Updates & Highlights Joba Chamberlain, among others (Here); Poley Walnuts and Jacoby Ellsbury (Here)
2008: Bowman Chrome Kosuke Fukudome (two different cards), Topps Kosuke Fukudome UH1 (from factory sets) (Here and Here); Topps Series One Red Sox Team Card w/ Guiliani (Here, Here); Various Topps Series Two “Rookie” cards (Here);  Topps Football Favre Variations (HereHere, Here); Topps Updates Upside-down RCs (Here); Series Two Johan Santana No-hitter (Here)
2009: Topps Series One Barack Obama (Here); Topps Series One Wal-Mart Exclusive Black Border (Here);  Topps Series One Target Exclusive Throwback Grey Back (Here)

I’ve probably missed a few, here and there, and this doesn’t even begin to touch on what’s gone on in Topps Heritage over the past year or two, and the Topps team sets (which have exclusive numbering), or the 2007 Topps Pepsi cards which look the same as base, or the 2007 Topps Red Number cards.  

Seriously?  You’re killing any respect we have for you, and are digging your own grave.  Quit fucking with the base products.  If you want gimmicks and short-print variations, put them in some other fucking product.  It’s bad enough that there are 60+ Topps cards of  Lance Berkman, Roy Oswalt, and the other Astros I collect each year, not counting AU, GU, or other rare things.  Don’t make it any harder to  collect than it already is.  

Upper Deck, Donruss?  You guys are on notice.  Don’t fuck up.  Don’t be Topps.  At this point, I really don’t care if Topps ever sends me a fucking thing.  I’m just completely disgusted with the crap that they’re passing out now.

Here are my rules that card companies should follow.

1)  Base Product Does Not Need Gimmicks, or Hobby/Retail differences.  

2)  Release Sell Sheets Early, and include accurate (as much as possible) checklist information, including all variations and short prints.  Include odds of pulling inserts, SPs, AU and GU for hobby, retail, and all variations of product.  Do not hide behind “may change at any time” as a reason to fuck your buyers over (Looking at you, Topps Mayo).

3)  Include these odds on each pack and each box.  Make them obvious.  Don’t make us hunt for this shit.  Put it on your webpages as well.

4)  QUIT FUCKING US OVER.

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